Here is another post in continuation of age gap discussion.
I received the following private email:
“What do you think of a man 55 having children with a younger foreign woman
? Have you heard of any success stories ? ”
And decided to post the text to the list anonymously as well as my answer:
In each and every case it is an individual matter. What I think or say has
little to do with ones own opportunity for success. IF a suitable man and a
suitable woman agree and are committed to each other then the matter is
between them.
I know of several large age gap couple with children.
We have Paul Eastman with a significant age difference with his wife
(I think it’s something like 28-32 years difference). This is something he’s
publicly written about before so I’m not “outing” him. Paul and his RW wife live int he
USA and she is pregnant with their second child. (his fourth?). They are
quite religious and made a good match.
There was once an active poster named Art O’Leary. I’ve never met
Art, I have corresponded with him and know him through correspondence to be
a good guy. He has two young children with a much, much younger wife. I’m
not certain about the age gap, but it is apparently large. They live in
Ukraine. Art has not been active on the list of late and may or may not
choose to reply.
I have two small children with my RW wife of four years (my 4th and 5th
children). We have an 18 year age gap. So far, it has not been an issue. But
I tell you what, I get up and run around all day like a 30 year old, not
like the 48 year old that I am. It’s important to stay in shape, eat right,
have a good positive mental attitude, and stay on top of things.
I know another couple, we are friends. He is 62+ and she is 35. They have
twin boys together (age 2) and she has a daughter from a previous marriage
(age 16). They are both religious, he was an AM minister in Ukraine. They
live here now.
I know an AM 75 with a 50 year old Latina (Mexican) wife. They’ve been
together 25 years. No kids. They live in Mexico.
I know an AM 85 Dr. With a Latina (Cubana) 60 year old wife. The’ve been
together 25 years. No kids. They live in USA and Mexico.
Parting thoughts: This isn’t a game. It’s real life. Nobody can do this for
you so therefore all other examples mean nothing and all bets are off. It’s
strictly up to you and the lady. The odds don’t favor success. Let me repeat
that: The Odds DON’T favor success.
Yet even in Vegas there are winners. I like to play Craps from time to time.
I also invest in the market and have a few entrepreneurial ventures too. So,
you might say I’m a bettin’ man, or at least a man willing to evaluate the
situation and make up his own mind whether or not to take a risk.
I submit that a man needs to know himself, have a basic plan of action, be
willing to put in the time to make an appropriate search, spend time with
the woman, AND ESPECIALLY IF the man has significant assets or desires
children to go slowly and make sure he and his new lady are right for each
other. What’s slow? I know a guy who was a one-week romeo, they have a 24
year age gap and have been happily married for 5 years (no kids). I visited
3 times (about two weeks each time) but was in total daily
correspondence/telephone/web communication etc with my wife for 18 months
before we got married and a lot of the senior guys on the boards told me I
was going too fast. They gave me good advice. That’s the thing about advice
though, only you can filter it for your own situation.
As much as I’d like to think it, not every woman is good and pure. Nor is
every man. You’ll have to ask yourself: What are your motives. Why do you
want to be a father at 55? Are you willing to spend the time and effort to
meet, court, and engage in a relationship with a younger woman who is in her
child bearing years. Are you willing to live overseas? Are you in a
financial position to undertake the quest? Can you provide for your new
family? Will you accept a woman with a child or children? Will you provide
any financial assistance to her family? Are you a pigheaded stubborn mule or
a doormat or something in between? Are you a control freak? Can you handle
rejection or betrayal? The list is endless. Ask yourself these questions and
more. I can assure you that somewhere in this world there is a young nubile
woman ready willing and able to carry your seed. Are you ready willing and
able to make the necessary sacrifices to achieve that end? And if you do
will you be happy with the simple act of procreation (is that all you seek?)
or do you desire more (like a loving relationship). Are you prepared to be
an involved husband and father? There are a lot of younger men after the
same woman you seek. You must find a way to differentiate yourself and be
“better” than them (at least in her eyes). Finding a woman is easy. Finding
the “right” woman is the challenge.
Are you prepared to “prepare” her both emotionally, spiritually and
financially on how to carry on after you are gone, for it is almost a
certainty that you will depart the earth long before her. Do you want her to
continue her life and possibly find another partner? Will it be okay with
you if he (her new partner after you’re gone) spends “your” money? What if
he swindles her? or your child? What if they have an other child or several
and they use the money you left behind to help support all the children? (to
use Swampy’s term: your “provisioning”). BTW, Don’t worry about Swampy, he’s
a swell chap and all but he wouldn’t be interested in your woman after she’d
already had a child. Too bad, so sad… He might miss out on a great woman
and kid.
Maybe you’d consider a woman with a small child and give that child a lot of
love so that he or she could have a chance at a wonderful life with two
loving parents and a good education. If your answer is no to that, consider
that you might die while your child is still young and if that is your
attitude towards another man’s child, do you think karma would allow a kind
and loving man to enter your widow’s life and fill the void? If the answer
is no, then I ask you point blank: What’s the purpose of brining a child
into the world if you can’t won’t or have lower odds living long enough to
take care and raise the child the way you want (or would want it to be
done).
Oh, so many questions, no simple answers. These questions also apply to
younger men, but are rarely answered because younger men have the youthful
illusion they are gonna live forever.
